my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
