Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
