You can't special order awesome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
