he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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