where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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