I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
