she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.