hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.