Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
