She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.