I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"