he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.