yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is wine microwaveable?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore