I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
