u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
40s are totally the cure
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
