haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
