I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
