Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
