Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
