I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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