y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
