The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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