guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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