Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
