yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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