it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
