Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
