Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
