you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
