Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE