In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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