How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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