new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
