please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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