Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
