WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
