If i come over, it means nothing
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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