The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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