cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
