You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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