wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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