nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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