does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
