sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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