Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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