Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
