I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
