Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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