i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
