yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sarcasm needs its own font
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
