i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
