you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
