Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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