Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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