I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
