Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
