I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
