chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
