Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
