He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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