he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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