Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
