What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
