my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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