My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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