I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So apparently I’m into choking now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
