i was born a porn star she said
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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