It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
