Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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