dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
