well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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