i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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