WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
