We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
