and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
