I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
