On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
