I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
