At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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