The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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