he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
